Blog Archives
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Click on a link, or scroll down to read them all.
- Back to 'About Me'
Solving Relationship Triangles
An Introduction to Mindfulness
Build a Coping System
How to Help Others
Intuition vs Reasoning
Dependency Needs
Minding Your Relationship
Defective-Self Complex
The Interpersonal Matrix
How People Change
Extreme Language
Processing Emotions
Following the Path
How to Apologize
Fiery Friends
Working Through Stress & Difficult Emotions
Understanding Dreams
Increasing Happiness
Over-Functioning & Under-Functioning
Developing Self-Compassion
Romantic vs Committed Love
What is 'Ego Depletion'?
Discredited Psychological Treatments
Making Peace With the Past
Acceptance Model of Relationship Change
Remembering vs Reliving
How to Write a Difficult Letter
Resolving Cognitive Dissonance
The Secrets of Changing
Answering "Why" Questions
Things That Help
How to Forgive
How to Say Hard Things
Other Posts and Writing
01/24/12: Relationship triangles occur when three people all have individual relationships with the other two people. In good times, these patterns can be fun, energizing, and rewarding. However, when any of the relationships become strained, the triangles can become complicated for everyone involved. When dysfunctional patterns become solidified in these triangles, those complications can become cemented, leading to longer term problems. The following gives and overview of relationship triangles, and gives some suggestions for sustaining healthy patterns within them.
01/19/12: "Mindfulness" is all the rage right now in counseling and health psychology. I have found that people are either immediately drawn to it and see it as a panacea, or quickly dismiss it as being too "out there". I think the reality of it is somewhere in between. This post will cover the basics of mindfulness, and how to begin applying it today for better health.
12/24/11: One of the most basic things that I help clients do is develop good approaches for coping with stress. I often discuss building a "coping system" that covers the range of things you would need to deal with most life stress. The following is a way of building a complete, and functional coping system.
12/18/11: When your friend / partner / coworker / child needs help with something stressful, and turns to you for help, what do you do? Most people default toward giving advice and ideas to solve problems, but a lot of the time the person actually just wants "support". The following post covers the 7 major ways we can help others.
10/20/11: Cognitive scientists and philosophers have been examining the mysterious process of intuition for many years. A breakthrough on how we intuitively know things and use that information to make decisions came when behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman used a series of experiments to show the differences in two basic thinking systems. This won him the Nobel Prize, and I will briefly cover the systems, and how they impact our lives every day.
We all have some basic needs in relationships that are important for us to be healthy. Some of these are particular to us (certain levels of control, trust, or ways of communicating), but there is a basic set of these that we all have that are generally referred to as "dependency needs" (companionship, affection, and support). This post will cover each of these in more depth.
07/17/11: I get asked a lot about what a great relationship looks like, or is supposed to be like. The easy answer is that it looks different for every couple, but a wonderful model of relationship development called "Minding Theory" gives us a more applicable answer. The following is a brief overview of the model and how it can help couples, friendships, and family relationships.
07/17/11: It is very common for people to wonder, worry, or be convinced that something is "wrong" with them, or that they are defective in some way. The following is a brief overview of this, and ideas on how to move forward from it.
07/01/11: Earlier models of interpersonal communication focus on general styles people take, and power dynamics. I developed the Interpersonal Matrix in the spirit of these models, but have focused more on specific types of behaviors and moves that we all make in communicating with others. I hope that it can be a great guide to understanding patterns of interactions as well as finding new moves to improve our relationships.
06/11/11: Have you ever wondered what the stages are of making change in your life? Or do you have someone in your life that is trying to make a change and you wish you could know how to be more helpful? The following post will give a brief overview of the stages of change, give some ideas on what you can do to make changes in your life, and help someone else make change in theirs.
05/27/11: Linguists has been debating for many years about how language helps construct our view of reality. The following is a brief overview of how word choice can help create problems, as well as resolve them.
04/18/11: One of the most common things my clients want help with is understanding and processing their emotions. Essentially, this means getting a deep understanding of what we are feeling, why we are feeling it, and what to do with it. The following is a brief overview of a model of doing just that.
04/14/11: Most cultures in the world have some version of The Path. Essentially, it is a general trajectory that someone's life is supposed to take, and social structures function well when a critical mass of people follow along. The rest of this article outlines The Path in current American culture, and suggests a process for how to cope with the stress of being off it.
04/08/11: When we hurt someone, or do something wrong, we often feel guilt. That emotion is part of us because it helps us correct our actions, and make things right again in our relationships. The following is an overview of the art of apologizing.
03/20/11: Much like the word 'love,' the word 'friend' is generally a catch-all term for many kinds of relationships. A unique type of 'friendship' is when we have a 'friend' that we are attracted to, but that certain structures prevent any deeper romantic relationship from developing. This article will cover this often complicated type of relationship.
03/10/11: One of the more common requests I get for presentations and workshops is "stress management". This typically involves some basic psychoeducation and ideas for techniques people can use to deal with it. Over time I have developed an integrative model that is applicable to a wide range of stressful situations. The following is a brief overview.
1/11/11: A lot of my clients have a fascination with their dreams, and their interpretation has a long history in psychotherapy, and an even longer history in cultures around the world. The following is a brief overview of understanding dreams from two central perspectives, and finishes with a solution to troubling dreams.
11/17/10: The past 10 years of science has shown us a lot about the keys to happiness. Fortunately it turns out that happiness isn't all about money and physical health, but about what we do and how we perceive the world. The following is an overview about the latest work on sustainable happiness change.
10/03/10: These little known concepts are huge in understanding relationship and family dynamics. Being able to see how these may be at play in your relationships and family system is the first step in being able to make larger, important changes.
8/13/10: Although some people view human nature as inherently cruel and selfish, we are capable of incredible acts of kindness and compassion. Unfortunately, for many people, that kindness does not extend to the self (or sometimes loved ones) as often as it does for a child in need, a stranger in distress, or an injured animal. I hope the following post can help to illuminate how to develop self-compassion, and deepen the ability to be compassionate for others.
8/6/10: Love, one of the most central components to human life, is such an amorphous concept that it is nearly impossible for people to completely agree on what it actually is or means. That is some of the beauty of love, but also some of the reasons we find ourselves confused. The following is a crash-course in what psychologists understand of "love", and I hope that it may highlight new ideas, or name some things that can help you in your own journey of understanding it.
7/29/10: Have you ever wondered why you can make good choices for your health throughout most of the day only to crash and burn later by skipping the gym and having a second dessert? Or why you might be able to control your emotions and how you communicate them earlier in the day, but later feel more out of control or unable to express things as smoothly? It is more than just being tired. Enter ego depletion.
7/25/10: The psychological treatment marketplace is filed with all kinds of approaches and theories. Some of these have been able to withstand the rigor of scientific testing (all major schools of talk therapy for example: cognitive-behavioral, humanistic-existential, psychodynamic), proving their value to patients, while others come and go like pet rocks (Orgone therapy, primal scream) or occasionally become things that really harm people (frontal lobotomy, rebirthing).
5/6/10: Many times the things that lead people to counseling have to do with past events that they "just can't seem to let go of". For some reason, we hold expectations that we should just be able to "let the past be the past and move on", but find tremendous difficulty doing that, and often struggle with this "unfinished business".
2/14/10: I work with many people on difficult relationships with their parents, siblings, children, friends, employers, and partners. Most of the time there is some pattern in place of trying to change the other, or defending efforts that the other may have to change us. The follow covers a model that gives us a new option.
1/31/10: We have all lived through things we wished we had not experienced, some of us more than others. Coping with these memories, images, or feelings can be quite difficult. Something I notice when people talk about their painful past experiences is that many seem to be transported back to the time period it happened in. This is referred to as "reliving", and it is understandable why we put so much effort into avoiding this material if our only way to work with it is to experience it all over again.
1/23/10: I get asked all the time to read over letters or emails that people want to send to a friend or partner to express strong feelings. After seeing enough of these, I have come up with several important guidelines to make it go as well as possible for you.
1/10/10: Cognitive dissonance is one of the most widely researched concepts in social psychology. Anytime you have held two inconsistent beliefs, or acted differently than you believed you should, you likely had some amount of emotional discomfort. This feeling is cognitive dissonance. To demonstrate ways to resolve or prevent this feelings we will use the following classic example:
12/27/09: A lot of people have great ideas about how to change to improve their lives, and a lot of times even implement these changes well. However, for many of these situations, there is a regression back to the early habits or ways of being. With New Year's resolutions right around the corner, many of us will attempt to change something, sustain them for a week or a couple months, and then revert back to our old ways. However, for a lucky few, they will stick. So what are the secrets?
12/22/09: "I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -Rainer Maria Rilke (1903)
12/12/09: I get asked a lot of general things people can do on their own to improve their mental health. Fortunately, there are a variety of things that almost everyone can do that have wide support on a number of different levels. Pick a couple that speak to you and see how different life will feel in two weeks.
12/09/09: "Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill the other person."
12/06/09: I work with a lot of people on holding boundaries, asserting themselves, saying difficult things, and saying "no". Usually the problem with doing any of these things is that we do not want to disappoint someone, feel guilty, hurt someone, or have someone angry with us.
This post generally is a listing of blog posts that are less frequently referred to. It will serve as an archive of other subjects of interest but making sure not to clog up the list of the "hits".
12/27/10: We all have things we do to improve our lives and feel better, but are there any things that would work for everyone? One of the more exciting threads of psychology research to me right now is in finding things that can universally help people. The following is a brief overview of the hypothesized 10 "curative processes," and some practical suggestions to help you access a few of them.
12/07/09: I get asked for my thoughts about psychopathology and mental disorders pretty often. Many practicing psychologists have an opinion on the debate to determine what a "disorder" is and isn't, and the place I stand is with the "harmful dysfunction model", first proposed by Jerome Wakefield. Essentially, this model states that a mental "disorder" must be a dysfunction of a naturally occurring system that is harmful to the person as judged by cultural standards.
9/20/10: If you read enough of the theory and research in psychology, you can start to see significant overlap in stages related to biological, social, and psychological development. Over the past year I have focused on a grouping of these that is a constantly emerging theme in my work with my clients. The following is a brief look at how theories from three legends of psychology, who came from very different perspectives, can show us the general direction we need to move toward to become our optimal, and healthiest selves.
9/5/10: There are countless ways researchers and psychologists have worked to understand and catalog the human emotional experience. Fortunately, there is some agreement on the basic emotions that most people learn at a young age: fear, anger, sadness, and joy. A set that develops later and becomes a source of emotional struggle throughout adult life are the self-conscious emotions: shame, guilt, embarrassment, and pride. The following will explore each of these a bit further, and give some ideas on how to cope with them.
07/31/11: A frequent sticking point in interpersonal conflicts is determining who is responsible for what. Complicating this is the tendency we all have to default to over-taking or under-taking responsibility. The following is a brief overview of these styles, and outlines for the type of personal work we can all do to get better at taking responsibility.
07/17/11: We are usually not at our best when we are under a lot of stress. Unfortunately, most of us are also not very good at asking for, or receiving the type of care and support that we really want when we are stressed. The following is a brief overview of the major styles of being "stressed out", as represented by various members of the animal kingdom. It can also be a great way to teach kids about stress.
7/15/10: One of the most practical models of communication and conflict I have seen is the Interpersonal Circle. It was originally developed back in the 1950s and has been changed over time, but the original core ideas remain, and have been validated by substantial research. Below I am presenting a very basic version that I hope can be used to conceptualize different types of communication and conflict.
04/12/11: We all do certain things to get past negative emotions and to come back down from good feelings. Striving for this emotional balance, or stability, is one of the most basic principles of human psychology. The following is an overview of a technique to help with this called the Emotion Map.
3/7/10: I/O psychology focuses on organizational level change, and has produced a number of interesting models to approach the process. One of the most basic is also very applicable to individual level change, which I use to describe the counseling process. Kurt Lewin's "Freeze Phase Model" has three stages: unfreezing, transitioning, and crystallizing.
2/6/10: We all know that how we feel during any given day or period of time in our life can be different, even if we don't have the words to describe it. For example, sometimes we are deeply engaged, aware, and present, which I call "living". This style of being feels good, and we are alive with energy and able to connect to ourselves, others, and the world. When we are really living, we embrace our lives and potential, and make the most of our time.
1/18/09: Boiling everything else away, there are four basic questions that we need to answer to move ourselves from a position of distress into strength and health. They generally look something like this:
1. What is happening?
2. Why is it happening?
3. What do I do about it?
4. How do I do it?
1. What is happening?
2. Why is it happening?
3. What do I do about it?
4. How do I do it?
I run regular workshops at the university on anxiety management where I go over a range of techniques. These are the most effective universally.
1/4/09: Many of my clients struggle with experiences and decision-making when different levels of living or perceiving are blurred. The results of acting without clarity can be dramatic on our mental and physical health.
One of my focus areas is in helping teens navigate the many transitions in their lives. High school life can be filled with a range of experiences from unforgettable times with friends to periods of storm and stress. My approach to help my clients get a fresh perspective on things, build problem solving skills, and improve their overall well-being. The most common things younger people come to my office to work on are:
Academic/school issues
Mood or anxiety problems
Relationship issues
Navigating their social lives
Developing a good dating life
Dealing with their parents
Navigating changes to family structure
Impulsive behavior problems
Drug & alcohol issues
Improving self-esteem and body image
Problems with decision-making
Frequent conflict or reactivity
Transitioning to college
If you are a parent and want to discuss this with me in more detail, then contact me today and I will do my best to answer all of your questions. If you are a parent or teen and want to get started with counseling, get in touch today.
Academic/school issues
Mood or anxiety problems
Relationship issues
Navigating their social lives
Developing a good dating life
Dealing with their parents
Navigating changes to family structure
Impulsive behavior problems
Drug & alcohol issues
Improving self-esteem and body image
Problems with decision-making
Frequent conflict or reactivity
Transitioning to college
If you are a parent and want to discuss this with me in more detail, then contact me today and I will do my best to answer all of your questions. If you are a parent or teen and want to get started with counseling, get in touch today.
General Recommended Sites
PsychCentral
Psychology of Men
Blogs
Austin Psychologists at the ApaCenter
Beyond Meds
BPS Research Digest
Carlat Psychiatry Blog
Change Therapy
Chronic Babe
Clinical Psych: A Closer Look
CorePsych
Couch Trip
Counseling in Bend OR
Crazy Psych Major
Different Thoughts
Dr Deb
Dr Shock MD
Everyday Health
Everyone Needs Therapy
GenesisCE
GenesisCE Blog
Good Practice Institute
Health Skills
Hope Forward
In Sickness & In Health
Masculine Heart
Dr. Mike Brooks
Nursing Comments
Positively Present
Psych in Real Life
Psych Scamp
Reclaiming Your Real Self
ShrinkWrapped
Solution Focused Change
The MacGuffin
Therapist With Bipolar
What Makes Someone Beautiful
Will Baum, LCSW
Will Pollock
Other Therapists
805 Therapy
Coaching With Couples
John Migueis MSW LCSW
Directories/Resources
PsychSplash
KwikMed
Teaching Related
PsychCentral
Psychology of Men
Blogs
Austin Psychologists at the ApaCenter
Beyond Meds
BPS Research Digest
Carlat Psychiatry Blog
Change Therapy
Chronic Babe
Clinical Psych: A Closer Look
CorePsych
Couch Trip
Counseling in Bend OR
Crazy Psych Major
Different Thoughts
Dr Deb
Dr Shock MD
Everyday Health
Everyone Needs Therapy
GenesisCE
GenesisCE Blog
Good Practice Institute
Health Skills
Hope Forward
In Sickness & In Health
Masculine Heart
Dr. Mike Brooks
Nursing Comments
Positively Present
Psych in Real Life
Psych Scamp
Reclaiming Your Real Self
ShrinkWrapped
Solution Focused Change
The MacGuffin
Therapist With Bipolar
What Makes Someone Beautiful
Will Baum, LCSW
Will Pollock
Other Therapists
805 Therapy
Coaching With Couples
John Migueis MSW LCSW
Directories/Resources
PsychSplash
KwikMed
Teaching Related
Affordability
I do not want cost or insurance eligibility to be a barrier if you are interested in working with me, so we can find a payment plan that works for your budget. Contact me for more information on the cost of counseling.
Scheduling
I can schedule an appointment with you via phone or email, whichever is easier and more comfortable for you. I currently have Tuesday & Thursday evening, and Saturday morning times available. Additionally, if you want to see if working with me will be a good fit, I am happy to meet for a free 30 minute consultation. Contact me here if you would like to schedule an appointment or have any other questions.
Insurance
I am currently an in-network provider for the following types of insurance:
Aetna
Blue Cross/Blue Shield
Beech Street
Cigna
Coventry
First Choice
First Health
Health Net
Humana
LifeSynch
LifeWise
MHN
Multiplan
ODS
PacificSource
PHCS
If you do not have one of the plans listed above, see the "out of network benefits" related to your plan, which will cover our work together. Note that unfortunately most insurance companies will not cover couples therapy.
I do not want cost or insurance eligibility to be a barrier if you are interested in working with me, so we can find a payment plan that works for your budget. Contact me for more information on the cost of counseling.
Scheduling
I can schedule an appointment with you via phone or email, whichever is easier and more comfortable for you. I currently have Tuesday & Thursday evening, and Saturday morning times available. Additionally, if you want to see if working with me will be a good fit, I am happy to meet for a free 30 minute consultation. Contact me here if you would like to schedule an appointment or have any other questions.
Insurance
I am currently an in-network provider for the following types of insurance:
Aetna
Blue Cross/Blue Shield
Beech Street
Cigna
Coventry
First Choice
First Health
Health Net
Humana
LifeSynch
LifeWise
MHN
Multiplan
ODS
PacificSource
PHCS
If you do not have one of the plans listed above, see the "out of network benefits" related to your plan, which will cover our work together. Note that unfortunately most insurance companies will not cover couples therapy.
My office is located just outside of downtown Vancouver, Washington (about 10 minutes from Portland) at
601 E 22nd St
Vancouver WA 98663
I am happy to provide directions during our scheduling, or you can plan your route via Google Maps.
View Larger Map
Picture of our building
601 E 22nd St
Vancouver WA 98663
I am happy to provide directions during our scheduling, or you can plan your route via Google Maps.
View Larger Map
Picture of our building
I work from an integrative therapeutic framework, which means that I apply knowledge and techniques from multiple schools of psychology and other disciplines, to help my clients meet their goals.
I completed my undergraduate degree in psychology at Baldwin-Wallace College in Berea, Ohio, my doctorate in counseling psychology at the University of Missouri Kansas City, and finished my post-doctoral work at the University of Delaware.
In addition to my practice, I am Staff Psychologist / Director of Counseling Services at Washington State University Vancouver and an Adjunct Professor at Portland State University.
In my free time I enjoy music, politics, hiking around the northwest, and spending time with my wife and friends.
You can follow my blog and other writing I do through my profiles on these sites:
I completed my undergraduate degree in psychology at Baldwin-Wallace College in Berea, Ohio, my doctorate in counseling psychology at the University of Missouri Kansas City, and finished my post-doctoral work at the University of Delaware.
In addition to my practice, I am Staff Psychologist / Director of Counseling Services at Washington State University Vancouver and an Adjunct Professor at Portland State University.
In my free time I enjoy music, politics, hiking around the northwest, and spending time with my wife and friends.
You can follow my blog and other writing I do through my profiles on these sites:
NOTE: At the current time I am not taking new clients. Some times may open again in early Summer 2012. Feel free to also contact me for referrals in Portland and Vancouver.
You can contact me for scheduling, questions, or any other reason using the method that is best for you. I will respond as quickly as possible.
-You can leave a voice message at (360) 513-0575.
-You can send an email to willmeekphd@gmail.com.
-Or you can send a message using this form.
You can contact me for scheduling, questions, or any other reason using the method that is best for you. I will respond as quickly as possible.
-You can leave a voice message at (360) 513-0575.
-You can send an email to willmeekphd@gmail.com.
-Or you can send a message using this form.
Here are two of the most effective ways you can think your way out of troubling thought patterns.
Hypothesis Testing: take one of the beliefs you have that is causing you trouble and use it as a hypothesis to test. Gather information to prove or disprove it. You'll be surprised how often you were wrong.
Considering Alternatives: if you are feeling strongly and have your mind made up about something, take a few minutes to consider every other possible explanation that you can think of. Which one is the most plausible? Again, most of the time it isn't the one we started with.
Hypothesis Testing: take one of the beliefs you have that is causing you trouble and use it as a hypothesis to test. Gather information to prove or disprove it. You'll be surprised how often you were wrong.
Considering Alternatives: if you are feeling strongly and have your mind made up about something, take a few minutes to consider every other possible explanation that you can think of. Which one is the most plausible? Again, most of the time it isn't the one we started with.
There are more people in the US involved in alternative health than ever before. The following list is of things that have at least some solid research support according to the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (US regulating agency).
Mild Depression
St John's Wort
S-Adenosyl-L-Methionine (SAMe)
Sleep Problems
Melatonin
Valerian
Anxiety
Valerian
Kava
Acupuncture
Mild Depression
St John's Wort
S-Adenosyl-L-Methionine (SAMe)
Sleep Problems
Melatonin
Valerian
Anxiety
Valerian
Kava
Acupuncture
I find that couples come to see me when they reach a level of dissatisfaction in their relationship that becomes concerning, or when the issues facing them start to become more than they can handle alone.
My goal is to help couples find creative solutions to their differences and grow together in ways that are fulfilling for both people. We do this by identifying core issues, deeply examining communication patterns, finding new ways to be emotionally close, and developing realistic ways to solve problems. Below are the major areas of concern and specific issues that most couples that come to therapy face
Communication
Conflict/arguing frequency or style
Criticism, blaming, or defensiveness
Power and control issues
Gender role expectation differences
Unresolved or reoccurring arguments
Sexual chemistry/interest problems
Emotions/Intimacy
Trust issues
Balancing separateness and togetherness
Different levels of emotional expression
Emotional explosions or breakdowns
Disconnection or coldness
Sense of tension or anger
Manipulation or aggression problems
Infidelity or other betrayal
Lifestyle
Parenting differences or problems with children
Differences in values or belief systems
Work or financial stress
Balancing home and work life
Issues with in-laws or social relationships
Partner health issue or substance abuse
Commitment issue or deciding to stay together
If you are ready to work through some of these things and improve your relationship, then I invite you to contact me today and we can get started.
My goal is to help couples find creative solutions to their differences and grow together in ways that are fulfilling for both people. We do this by identifying core issues, deeply examining communication patterns, finding new ways to be emotionally close, and developing realistic ways to solve problems. Below are the major areas of concern and specific issues that most couples that come to therapy face
Communication
Conflict/arguing frequency or style
Criticism, blaming, or defensiveness
Power and control issues
Gender role expectation differences
Unresolved or reoccurring arguments
Sexual chemistry/interest problems
Emotions/Intimacy
Trust issues
Balancing separateness and togetherness
Different levels of emotional expression
Emotional explosions or breakdowns
Disconnection or coldness
Sense of tension or anger
Manipulation or aggression problems
Infidelity or other betrayal
Lifestyle
Parenting differences or problems with children
Differences in values or belief systems
Work or financial stress
Balancing home and work life
Issues with in-laws or social relationships
Partner health issue or substance abuse
Commitment issue or deciding to stay together
If you are ready to work through some of these things and improve your relationship, then I invite you to contact me today and we can get started.
I work from an "integrative" approach, which means that I synthesize knowledge and apply techniques from multiple schools of psychology and other disciplines. It always seemed counter-productive that therapists chose one or two limited perspectives to operate in when it is clear that there are huge pools of knowledge in other approaches and fields of study that could help their clients.
In practice, I incorporate techniques from Cognitve-Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy, Existential/Humanistic Approaches, Mindfulness, Gestalt Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy, & Jungian depth psychology; theory and research from Developmental, Social, Evolutionary, Neuro, and Personality Psychology; and knowledge from Biology, Philosophy, Anthropology, Sociology, History, Political Science, Art, Literature, and Religious and Cultural Studies.
Essentially, I believe that the universe of ideas and perspectives on our lives can be integrated and applied to help people reach new levels of therapeutic progress. The results are often quicker and lead to a special level of personal understanding and growth.
In practice, I incorporate techniques from Cognitve-Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy, Existential/Humanistic Approaches, Mindfulness, Gestalt Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy, & Jungian depth psychology; theory and research from Developmental, Social, Evolutionary, Neuro, and Personality Psychology; and knowledge from Biology, Philosophy, Anthropology, Sociology, History, Political Science, Art, Literature, and Religious and Cultural Studies.
Essentially, I believe that the universe of ideas and perspectives on our lives can be integrated and applied to help people reach new levels of therapeutic progress. The results are often quicker and lead to a special level of personal understanding and growth.
The following information is a guide for choosing a therapist and knowing how to make the most out of therapy.
There are a lot of articles on the web about how to choose a therapist. Most of them focus on different degree levels (MA, MSW, Ph.D., Psy.D) types of training, titles (psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, marriage counselor), and theoretical orientation (cognitive-behavioral, DBT, Psychodynamic, Gestalt, Mindfulness, etc), and matching these to your concerns (relationships, depression, anxiety, ADHD, relationship problems, bipolar, etc). Although it is important to be educated about these things, and you can read more about them below, it is not the most important part of choosing a therapist. Additionally, there are many psychologists, counselors, and therapists in Portland, OR and Vancouver WA with any mix of these specialties and qualifications, making the choice more difficult.
So how do you pick? I would suggest you do this based centrally on the "fit" between you and your therapist. In more detail, that might mean that the person seems competent, professional, trustworthy, friendly, and has something to offer you. Like someone you feel good about entering into a personal/professional relationship with.
Research has shown there to be a variety of reasons for this, most notably that the therapeutic relationship is the best predictor of success. Additionally, there is a line of research on people dubbed "super shrinks". These are people that create exceptional outcomes for all sorts of clients with a wide range of problems. Being a super shrink has nothing to do with credentials, experience, or demographics (age, race, sex, etc). It has more to do with subtle things they do during the course of therapy.
It is very hard to know who these people are without meeting them or knowing someone that has worked with them, but sometimes just looking at a website or materials can just feel different. They may feel friendlier, more personable, more competent, more trustworthy, more professional, or like a safer bet. This can be a nice indicator of "fit" ahead of time. That means that looking for the "best counselor" or "best psychologist" in Vancouver would not be as important as the best one for you.
My advice is to read the websites or materials from some therapists, and the one you can see yourself sharing comfortably with and learning the most from should be at the top of your list. Then, either talk on the phone for a few minutes or exchange a few emails, and also see if the person would agree to a free 30min consultation. After this, you will probably have a good sense of whether the person will work for you. Of course I hope that person would be me, but if it is not, then I hope this helps you on your continued search.
Making the Most of Counseling
Once you are in counseling, there are certain things that research has shown to lead to better outcomes. The following is brief overview of the five most important things that will allow you to have the best experience in counseling, and the greatest chances of meeting your therapy goals quickly.
1. Come to each session with a plan: If you arrive at each session with your counselor with an agenda (or specific plan) that contains a goal or something you'd like to get from counseling that day, then you are setting yourself up for success. This can help you and your therapist stay on track with your goals, and make sure you are getting what you want from each counseling session. A therapy goal can be as simple as "learn specific coping skills" or "talk about my relationship with my mom," but starting off with this helps.
2. Think about the session during the week: Another elements that predicts success is how much time a client spends during the week thinking about the previous session. Essentially, the more time you spend outside of the session, thinking about the work you are doing in counseling, the faster your therapy goals will be met. Just coming in one hour a week and detaching from the work usually does not achieve the outcomes as quickly.
3. Tell your counselor what you like: All therapists work with different methods and counseling approaches, and each also has a unique interpersonal style. If your therapist is doing something that you don't like, or don't find helpful, then I recommend telling him/her. Most psychologists and other types of therapists have training on having these discussions, and if you don't know, they they can't make the adjustments.
4. Be honest with your counselor: When you first enter counseling you may be going for some things that you are unsure about discussing, or feel some shame around. If you can trust your therapist, then being really honest with what is happening in your life is the best way to make progress. Hiding important things, or the level of certain activities can complicate how your psychologists will work with you, and slow you down. If you don't feel comfortable sharing because of something with your therapist, you may want to bring that up first.
5. Try new things out: There are often parts of counseling that are focused on changing behaviors or trying new things. If you have some homework or ideas to try new things based on your counseling session, giving it a real try will help you find out very soon whether what you are doing in therapy is working.
Types of Providers
Psychologists: a "psychologist" has a Ph.D. or Psy.D. degree in clinical or counseling psychology, has the most extensive training (5-7 years), and can specialize in a wide range of issues (social issues, PTSD, substance abuse, divorce, parenting, career or work problems, adolescent psychology, bipolar, couples therapy, anxiety disorders, etc). Psychologists also frequently do psychological testing.
Counselors: a "counselor" has a Masters degree (2-3 years training), is licensed (LC, LPC), and specializes in mental health counseling, marriage family and couples therapy, or substance abuse (drug and alcohol). They often identify themselves as "marriage counselor" or "family counselor". Counselors in Vancouver and the rest of Washington used to have a very easy route to get licensed, but the state has now made it more strict.
Therapists: a "therapist" is a general designation that many types of providers can use, but is not standard terminology beyond people who are licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFT), who fit the above description for counselor. Essentially, any mental health provider can call him/herself a therapist. You may also see a practitioner refer to him/herself as a "psychotherapist", which is also not a formal type of provider.
Psychiatrists: have MDs and are trained physicians that specialize in mental health. Many psychiatrists do some limited form of counseling, with some being trained in deeper counseling approaches. Most treat mental health issues through medication.
Coaches: are a relatively new type of provider that as of this writing, are not regulated by state licensing bodies. That means that pretty much anyone can call themselves a "coach" and give some type of life advice, guidance, or counseling, although they are not legally allowed to practice the type of counseling that any of the above providers can.
There are a lot of articles on the web about how to choose a therapist. Most of them focus on different degree levels (MA, MSW, Ph.D., Psy.D) types of training, titles (psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, marriage counselor), and theoretical orientation (cognitive-behavioral, DBT, Psychodynamic, Gestalt, Mindfulness, etc), and matching these to your concerns (relationships, depression, anxiety, ADHD, relationship problems, bipolar, etc). Although it is important to be educated about these things, and you can read more about them below, it is not the most important part of choosing a therapist. Additionally, there are many psychologists, counselors, and therapists in Portland, OR and Vancouver WA with any mix of these specialties and qualifications, making the choice more difficult.
So how do you pick? I would suggest you do this based centrally on the "fit" between you and your therapist. In more detail, that might mean that the person seems competent, professional, trustworthy, friendly, and has something to offer you. Like someone you feel good about entering into a personal/professional relationship with.
Research has shown there to be a variety of reasons for this, most notably that the therapeutic relationship is the best predictor of success. Additionally, there is a line of research on people dubbed "super shrinks". These are people that create exceptional outcomes for all sorts of clients with a wide range of problems. Being a super shrink has nothing to do with credentials, experience, or demographics (age, race, sex, etc). It has more to do with subtle things they do during the course of therapy.
It is very hard to know who these people are without meeting them or knowing someone that has worked with them, but sometimes just looking at a website or materials can just feel different. They may feel friendlier, more personable, more competent, more trustworthy, more professional, or like a safer bet. This can be a nice indicator of "fit" ahead of time. That means that looking for the "best counselor" or "best psychologist" in Vancouver would not be as important as the best one for you.
My advice is to read the websites or materials from some therapists, and the one you can see yourself sharing comfortably with and learning the most from should be at the top of your list. Then, either talk on the phone for a few minutes or exchange a few emails, and also see if the person would agree to a free 30min consultation. After this, you will probably have a good sense of whether the person will work for you. Of course I hope that person would be me, but if it is not, then I hope this helps you on your continued search.
Making the Most of Counseling
Once you are in counseling, there are certain things that research has shown to lead to better outcomes. The following is brief overview of the five most important things that will allow you to have the best experience in counseling, and the greatest chances of meeting your therapy goals quickly.
1. Come to each session with a plan: If you arrive at each session with your counselor with an agenda (or specific plan) that contains a goal or something you'd like to get from counseling that day, then you are setting yourself up for success. This can help you and your therapist stay on track with your goals, and make sure you are getting what you want from each counseling session. A therapy goal can be as simple as "learn specific coping skills" or "talk about my relationship with my mom," but starting off with this helps.
2. Think about the session during the week: Another elements that predicts success is how much time a client spends during the week thinking about the previous session. Essentially, the more time you spend outside of the session, thinking about the work you are doing in counseling, the faster your therapy goals will be met. Just coming in one hour a week and detaching from the work usually does not achieve the outcomes as quickly.
3. Tell your counselor what you like: All therapists work with different methods and counseling approaches, and each also has a unique interpersonal style. If your therapist is doing something that you don't like, or don't find helpful, then I recommend telling him/her. Most psychologists and other types of therapists have training on having these discussions, and if you don't know, they they can't make the adjustments.
4. Be honest with your counselor: When you first enter counseling you may be going for some things that you are unsure about discussing, or feel some shame around. If you can trust your therapist, then being really honest with what is happening in your life is the best way to make progress. Hiding important things, or the level of certain activities can complicate how your psychologists will work with you, and slow you down. If you don't feel comfortable sharing because of something with your therapist, you may want to bring that up first.
5. Try new things out: There are often parts of counseling that are focused on changing behaviors or trying new things. If you have some homework or ideas to try new things based on your counseling session, giving it a real try will help you find out very soon whether what you are doing in therapy is working.
Types of Providers
Psychologists: a "psychologist" has a Ph.D. or Psy.D. degree in clinical or counseling psychology, has the most extensive training (5-7 years), and can specialize in a wide range of issues (social issues, PTSD, substance abuse, divorce, parenting, career or work problems, adolescent psychology, bipolar, couples therapy, anxiety disorders, etc). Psychologists also frequently do psychological testing.
Counselors: a "counselor" has a Masters degree (2-3 years training), is licensed (LC, LPC), and specializes in mental health counseling, marriage family and couples therapy, or substance abuse (drug and alcohol). They often identify themselves as "marriage counselor" or "family counselor". Counselors in Vancouver and the rest of Washington used to have a very easy route to get licensed, but the state has now made it more strict.
Therapists: a "therapist" is a general designation that many types of providers can use, but is not standard terminology beyond people who are licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFT), who fit the above description for counselor. Essentially, any mental health provider can call him/herself a therapist. You may also see a practitioner refer to him/herself as a "psychotherapist", which is also not a formal type of provider.
Psychiatrists: have MDs and are trained physicians that specialize in mental health. Many psychiatrists do some limited form of counseling, with some being trained in deeper counseling approaches. Most treat mental health issues through medication.
Coaches: are a relatively new type of provider that as of this writing, are not regulated by state licensing bodies. That means that pretty much anyone can call themselves a "coach" and give some type of life advice, guidance, or counseling, although they are not legally allowed to practice the type of counseling that any of the above providers can.
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In individual counseling with me you can expect to work on your concerns in depth to develop creative solutions, learn new ways to approach and manage them, gain a deeper understanding of yourself, and find a new sense of peace, wisdom, and strength.
I have experience working with hundreds of people through a wide range of problems and situations. Below are clusters of common issues that bring people to see me, and they are often inter-related.
Thoughts, Feelings, & Actions
Frequent anxiety, worry, and tension
Feeling hurt, hopeless, or depressed
Unhealthy coping and feeling overwhelmed
Negative self-talk and ruminating thoughts
Feeling alone, needy, or disconnected
Substance abuse, escapism, or self-medicating
Health problems, insomnia, or low motivation
Difficult decisions or internal conflicts
Personal Development
Healing from past trauma or abuse
Self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-worth issues
Going through a major loss or life change
Not knowing who you are or what you want
Desire to find meaning or purpose in your life
Problems with career satisfaction or achievement
Self in Relationships
Guilt, obligation, and boundary setting issues
Anger, hurt feelings, or defensiveness
Feeling criticized, blamed, used, or manipulated
Trust, control, or intimacy issues
Difficulty letting go or moving on
Pattern of choosing unhealthy partners
Balancing self and other commitments
Relationship Issues
Romantic, family, or social problems
Separation, divorce, or a breakup
Balancing togetherness/separateness
Problems with conflict/arguing frequency or style
Partner/family health issue or substance abuse
Problems with communication or incompatibility
Financial problems or parenting differences
Loss of interest or relationship boredom
Sexual chemistry/interest problems
If you are ready to work through these things, then I invite you to contact me today and we can get started.
I have experience working with hundreds of people through a wide range of problems and situations. Below are clusters of common issues that bring people to see me, and they are often inter-related.
Thoughts, Feelings, & Actions
Frequent anxiety, worry, and tension
Feeling hurt, hopeless, or depressed
Unhealthy coping and feeling overwhelmed
Negative self-talk and ruminating thoughts
Feeling alone, needy, or disconnected
Substance abuse, escapism, or self-medicating
Health problems, insomnia, or low motivation
Difficult decisions or internal conflicts
Personal Development
Healing from past trauma or abuse
Self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-worth issues
Going through a major loss or life change
Not knowing who you are or what you want
Desire to find meaning or purpose in your life
Problems with career satisfaction or achievement
Self in Relationships
Guilt, obligation, and boundary setting issues
Anger, hurt feelings, or defensiveness
Feeling criticized, blamed, used, or manipulated
Trust, control, or intimacy issues
Difficulty letting go or moving on
Pattern of choosing unhealthy partners
Balancing self and other commitments
Relationship Issues
Romantic, family, or social problems
Separation, divorce, or a breakup
Balancing togetherness/separateness
Problems with conflict/arguing frequency or style
Partner/family health issue or substance abuse
Problems with communication or incompatibility
Financial problems or parenting differences
Loss of interest or relationship boredom
Sexual chemistry/interest problems
If you are ready to work through these things, then I invite you to contact me today and we can get started.
Counseling
Being a therapist is a unique job that can have extensive emotional demands. Due to that, and the understanding that for a therapist to be effective, she/he has to maintain a good level of psychological health and well being, (let alone sometimes life is difficult and we need help with things) therapists are often encouraged to regularly have their own therapy. For therapists interested in counseling with me, contact me here, and we can discuss my approach, and what you are looking for, in more detail.
Supervision
For therapists working toward a counselor or psychologist license in Washington (or those with a license looking for additional supervision), I am available to serve as a supervisor. My approach to supervision is developmental, meaning that I get to know what your current strengths and growth areas are, and work to help you move to the next level. If you are interested in supervision, please contact me here, and we can see if we are a good match.
Professional Development
I am actively involved in advancing counseling theory and practice through my teaching, research, and development of new processes and constructs. Coming this year I plan to publish a document on this website that outlines my approach to counseling, written specifically for clinicians. I hope to update this every two years indefinitely. Check back here in the fall for more.
Being a therapist is a unique job that can have extensive emotional demands. Due to that, and the understanding that for a therapist to be effective, she/he has to maintain a good level of psychological health and well being, (let alone sometimes life is difficult and we need help with things) therapists are often encouraged to regularly have their own therapy. For therapists interested in counseling with me, contact me here, and we can discuss my approach, and what you are looking for, in more detail.
Supervision
For therapists working toward a counselor or psychologist license in Washington (or those with a license looking for additional supervision), I am available to serve as a supervisor. My approach to supervision is developmental, meaning that I get to know what your current strengths and growth areas are, and work to help you move to the next level. If you are interested in supervision, please contact me here, and we can see if we are a good match.
Professional Development
I am actively involved in advancing counseling theory and practice through my teaching, research, and development of new processes and constructs. Coming this year I plan to publish a document on this website that outlines my approach to counseling, written specifically for clinicians. I hope to update this every two years indefinitely. Check back here in the fall for more.
