Build a Coping System
12/24/11: One of the most basic things that I help clients do is develop good approaches for coping with stress. I often discuss building a "coping system" that covers the range of things you would need to deal with most life stress. The following is a way of building a complete, and functional coping system.
Coping Basics
I like to think of our stress level as the result of a basic equation:
Stressors (Type + Intensity + Duration + Number) - Coping Resources (Skills + Energy)
This post is about the second half of that equation. There is no easy way to break down coping approaches, but In my model of working through stress (click here for that) I generally categorize things into "active" and "avoidant" coping styles; to be consistent I will use the same thing here. This article will focus on active coping approaches, which are those that we might generally say are "healthy" or "constructive", which is in contrast to the avoidant flipside of "unhealthy" or "destructive".
There are many different types of active coping strategies, and the key to building a good coping system is to choose some from each area. This allows you to have a bunch of things you can pick from when they are needed. Some of them may be your default moves or daily activities, whereas others are going to be used on an as-needed basis. The following sections are going to give some ideas in various areas, and list a suggested number of those things that you should have ready. If you have a deficit in an area, it can be a good idea to work on those skills during times of less stress, so you can be prepared when more stressful times emerge.
Maintenance (pick 4)
These are things we can do to stay at our best at all times, and they help sustain us during periods of stress. Of all of the things that will be listed in this article, these are the most important
8 hours of sleep per night
A healthy and balanced diet
Regular exercise (cardio and strength)
Daily mindfulness practice (read more here)
Strong social connections
Daily spiritual practice
Weekly time for play and hobbies
Physiological (pick 2)
These approaches directly engage your body
Deep breathing
Progressive muscle relaxation
Exercise
Meditation
Yoga
Massage
Acupuncture
Problem Solving (pick 2)
Examine the actual problem and:
Make a list of steps to take
Make a plan of action
Take actual action to solve the problems
Break problems into smaller chunks
Set specific (and reachable) goals
Communicating (pick 1)
These approaches are ways we can relate to others during stress
Talking to someone (friend, family, therapist)
Creativity (making art or music)
Writing (journal, poetry, blog)
Cognitive (pick 3)
These approaches are ways we can change our thinking
Reframing (looking at things from a different and more positive perspective)
Acceptance (not fighting the stressful stuff)
Identify potential biases in your thought process
Reduce extreme language (click here for more)
Find meaning and purpose in what is happening
Emotion-Focused (pick 2)
These approaches focus on dealing with difficult emotions
Do emotion processing (click here for more)
Allow your emotions to be there
Cry if your body wants to
Give yourself reassurance
Give yourself messages of confidence
Focus on what your emotions are telling you
Learning (pick 1)
These approaches are ways we can get more information when we need to
Talking to someone who knows
Researching on the internet
Reading a relevant book
Distraction (pick 2)
These are ways we can get out of our own heads when we need to, and are the least harmful of the avoidant approaches, but use sparingly!
Attuning to the present moment
Digital entertainment (TV, movies, etc)
Refocusing (reading, counting, play with a pet)
A time consuming and engaging activity
Go out with friends
Listen to music
Do something nice for someone
Focus on a work or school project
These lists are obviously not exhaustive, so add your own unique approaches to each category. A minimally complete coping system will have 17 of those things mastered. Someone who has great coping skills will also be able to pick a few of the strategies out that match the type of situation and apply them appropriately. If you need some help developing a more complete coping system, counseling can be a great help.
Coping Basics
I like to think of our stress level as the result of a basic equation:
Stressors (Type + Intensity + Duration + Number) - Coping Resources (Skills + Energy)
This post is about the second half of that equation. There is no easy way to break down coping approaches, but In my model of working through stress (click here for that) I generally categorize things into "active" and "avoidant" coping styles; to be consistent I will use the same thing here. This article will focus on active coping approaches, which are those that we might generally say are "healthy" or "constructive", which is in contrast to the avoidant flipside of "unhealthy" or "destructive".
There are many different types of active coping strategies, and the key to building a good coping system is to choose some from each area. This allows you to have a bunch of things you can pick from when they are needed. Some of them may be your default moves or daily activities, whereas others are going to be used on an as-needed basis. The following sections are going to give some ideas in various areas, and list a suggested number of those things that you should have ready. If you have a deficit in an area, it can be a good idea to work on those skills during times of less stress, so you can be prepared when more stressful times emerge.
Maintenance (pick 4)
These are things we can do to stay at our best at all times, and they help sustain us during periods of stress. Of all of the things that will be listed in this article, these are the most important
Physiological (pick 2)
These approaches directly engage your body
Problem Solving (pick 2)
Examine the actual problem and:
Communicating (pick 1)
These approaches are ways we can relate to others during stress
Cognitive (pick 3)
These approaches are ways we can change our thinking
Emotion-Focused (pick 2)
These approaches focus on dealing with difficult emotions
Learning (pick 1)
These approaches are ways we can get more information when we need to
Distraction (pick 2)
These are ways we can get out of our own heads when we need to, and are the least harmful of the avoidant approaches, but use sparingly!
These lists are obviously not exhaustive, so add your own unique approaches to each category. A minimally complete coping system will have 17 of those things mastered. Someone who has great coping skills will also be able to pick a few of the strategies out that match the type of situation and apply them appropriately. If you need some help developing a more complete coping system, counseling can be a great help.
