Stressed Out Animals
07/17/11: We are usually not at our best when we are under a lot of stress. Unfortunately, most of us are also not very good at asking for, or receiving the type of care and support that we really want when we are stressed. The following is a brief overview of the major styles of being "stressed out", as represented by various members of the animal kingdom. It can also be a great way to teach kids about stress.
Being Stressed Out
Most people intuitively know what being "stressed out" means, but the picture can be different for everyone. Some of the most common symptoms include problems regulating emotions, focusing or accomplishing tasks efficiently, and maintaining one's physical health. Basically, we sleep less (or more), spend less time with friends and family, eat worse food ("discomfort foods" high in salt, sugar, fat, and carbs), drink more, procrastinate, have more anxiety, get irritated easier, and watch more TV.
As a therapist I have generally seen three major forms that people take interpersonally under stress, represented by some of our friends in the animal kingdom: porcupines, turtles, and kittens. I hope that the following can be helpful in identifying which type you are, and also which types other people in your life are so that you can be a better friend, partner, or family member when they are also stressed out.
Porcupines
It is usually pretty clear when a porcupine is under stress. He/she is noticeably tense, anxious, or angry; quick to lash out or make demands; and very difficult to comfort. When we try to get close to porcupines we are likely to get stabbed by some sharp edges and feel powerless to help, which makes us less likely to approach over time. The experience the porcupine usually has is feeling alone and angry that no one is helping, or that others are distancing themselves.
Turtles
It is harder to know when turtles are under stress since they are less likely to show it externally, or want to share it. Turtles can appear more withdrawn, disconnected, or in denial about the level of stress they are under. When people try to connect a turtle, he/she usually withdraws, does not want to talk about things, or becomes somewhat unreachable or armored. The experience the turtle usually has is feeling pestered and pressured, when all he/she wants is to be left alone.
Kittens
It is usually clear when kittens are under stress. He/she is usually connected feelings of sadness and fear, may cry more, and be open to discussing things without attacking or withdrawing. Other people usually find it easy to connect with kittens, and they are very approachable and open to affection and support. However, the experience the kitten may have is feeling weak, vulnerable, or needy, even if people in the person's life are very willing to provide help.
Providing Support
When supporting porcupines, we need to have the courage to get close and absorb some pain to help. When supporting turtles, we have to create a safe and low pressure environment that the person feels comfortable sharing in. When supporting kittens, we need to help empower the person, not rush in to take things over and solve problems.
For all three, we need to get beyond any frustration, be validating and express love and interest, and actually listen to what the person wants from us. At the core of all three types is typically a desire for someone to care and provide some kind of support. Meaning that we are all kittens, but some of us wear porcupine and turtle costumes.
Counseling can be a great way for individuals or couples to learn new ways to connect with and support people in their lives, as well as how to communicate with others about what their needs may be, regardless of what form of stressed out you usually take. For a model of working through stress and difficult emotions, check out this article.
Being Stressed Out
Most people intuitively know what being "stressed out" means, but the picture can be different for everyone. Some of the most common symptoms include problems regulating emotions, focusing or accomplishing tasks efficiently, and maintaining one's physical health. Basically, we sleep less (or more), spend less time with friends and family, eat worse food ("discomfort foods" high in salt, sugar, fat, and carbs), drink more, procrastinate, have more anxiety, get irritated easier, and watch more TV.
As a therapist I have generally seen three major forms that people take interpersonally under stress, represented by some of our friends in the animal kingdom: porcupines, turtles, and kittens. I hope that the following can be helpful in identifying which type you are, and also which types other people in your life are so that you can be a better friend, partner, or family member when they are also stressed out.
Porcupines
It is usually pretty clear when a porcupine is under stress. He/she is noticeably tense, anxious, or angry; quick to lash out or make demands; and very difficult to comfort. When we try to get close to porcupines we are likely to get stabbed by some sharp edges and feel powerless to help, which makes us less likely to approach over time. The experience the porcupine usually has is feeling alone and angry that no one is helping, or that others are distancing themselves.
Turtles
It is harder to know when turtles are under stress since they are less likely to show it externally, or want to share it. Turtles can appear more withdrawn, disconnected, or in denial about the level of stress they are under. When people try to connect a turtle, he/she usually withdraws, does not want to talk about things, or becomes somewhat unreachable or armored. The experience the turtle usually has is feeling pestered and pressured, when all he/she wants is to be left alone.
Kittens
It is usually clear when kittens are under stress. He/she is usually connected feelings of sadness and fear, may cry more, and be open to discussing things without attacking or withdrawing. Other people usually find it easy to connect with kittens, and they are very approachable and open to affection and support. However, the experience the kitten may have is feeling weak, vulnerable, or needy, even if people in the person's life are very willing to provide help.
Providing Support
When supporting porcupines, we need to have the courage to get close and absorb some pain to help. When supporting turtles, we have to create a safe and low pressure environment that the person feels comfortable sharing in. When supporting kittens, we need to help empower the person, not rush in to take things over and solve problems.
For all three, we need to get beyond any frustration, be validating and express love and interest, and actually listen to what the person wants from us. At the core of all three types is typically a desire for someone to care and provide some kind of support. Meaning that we are all kittens, but some of us wear porcupine and turtle costumes.
Counseling can be a great way for individuals or couples to learn new ways to connect with and support people in their lives, as well as how to communicate with others about what their needs may be, regardless of what form of stressed out you usually take. For a model of working through stress and difficult emotions, check out this article.
